That's me conducting!
I had just spent the day before working hard in the sanctuary setting up the staging, sound equipment, instruments, and spent time on my knees making sure that every cable was gaff taped to the floor so no one would trip. I was flying solo with only a couple of young boys to help with the heavy lifting. My husband, Brian had to attend a family funeral and felt really bad to leave me to deal with this huge, demanding task alone.
But, death is a respecter of no one!
It was on his side of the family and I confidently told him I could handle the set up! I do it all the time for school. The boys and I worked together and time was ticking! The dress rehearsal was in a few hours and wouldn't you know it...where was the "Y" that I needed to connect two choir microphones into one input???!!!! I only had 4 channels and needed 5 (that's why I needed the Y) [Perhaps I should call it an adaptor for you non-techie types] it began to seem that everything was beginning to go badly. The countdown was on and I still needed to take the boys home to get dressed for the rehearsal and then pull myself together, shower, fix my hair and make myself presentable....calm....cool....and collected! OH NO! I forgot the plants to put in front of the stage to cover up the messy tape and cords! After spending over an hour problem solving, running back to the storage building, and deciding to use the bigger soundboard (which I do not know how to run), and finally making a phone call and locating my "Y"... which had to be driven to me because it was borrowed and not returned, we finally finished the set up! After much trial and error, I actually DID figure out the soundboard and got some pretty good sound. Whew! "Don't touch a thing," I demanded to the boys!
I've had to be reminded time and time again to breathe! It's one simple task which is actually an involuntary bodily function. Yet, I find myself holding my breath. Even the last two weeks as I've struggled with many things, I catch myself reminding myself to breathe! Take everything that comes my way, one moment at a time. And I take that enormous inhale. It's a lesson that I keep having to re-learn! I'm sure you can relate. You know, the same ole, same ole...Slow down! Don't overcommit. Rest. Try to focus on the one thing and do it well. Live in the moment, not multitasking your way through life and running yourself down. I know! I'm the queen of it! Silly that we have to be reminded to do such basic life skills! Quite honestly, It's embarrassing.
Back to the sign above their heads...
So this week, (ok, lately) I've been craving for new. A new purpose. A new passion. A new way of living. A new way of fashioning my days. New people in my life. New depths of relating with special friends and relationships in my life. New plans. New goals. New challenges. New adventures. New habits. I've even cooked new recipes! The mundane is not for me! I've felt like I've needed a RENEWAL on everything. So I take it up with the Lord. Then I'm reminded of Ann Voskamp's book and stories of The Broken Way. Yep! I've been dried up and broken just like the crushed wheat. But out of broken comes new! It's hard to conclude that you are broken. But when you realize that miracles happen in the breaking, you can carry on in hope.
"Never be afraid of being a broken thing."
"The seed breaks to give us the wheat.
The soil breaks to give us the crop,
the sky breaks to give us the rain,
the wheat breaks to give us the bread.
And the bread breaks to give us the feast.
There was once even an alabaster jar that broke to give Him all the glory."
~ A. Voskamp, The Broken Way
Here's another quote from The Broken Way and the scripture it quotes is one of my favorites:
"He restores my soul; He guides me in the path of righteousness for His name sake." Ps. 23:3
By the end of this next piece, I was a bundle of tears as I reflected once more on the words of the song and the great love that God has for me...even when I'm broken and anxious about many things.
"The best yields always start as broken fields."
And so my soul sings...
How Great Thou Art, My Savior - God, to me!
I could have ascended into heaven this very day. I close my eyes and conduct, all the while, imagining standing before Him. He has wooed me to Himself.
To stay strong in Him, I must stay weak and dependent on Him. I often feel disqualified, lacking and unworthy to enter into His presence. But it's when I'm weak and broken, that His strength carries me. And out of broken comes new. I cannot renew myself. It's God that renews.
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